Thursday, September 11, 2008

plane crash

Plane Crash

“Dear ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts. I am Captain Joe. The weather is fine and we are expecting a smooth journey to Japan. Please sit back and enjoy the facilities provided. We are taking off now,” the Captain announced. The metallic flying plane slowly accelerated into the sky smoothly. The slight pressure created a high pitch in my eardrum. “I will surely have a lot of fun when I reached there,” I giggled. I was oblivious to the danger lurking.

I peeped out of the window. The weather changed rapidly, completely untold by the forecast. The blazing sun was radiating in the sky as its golden rays jutted in and out with the wind blowing the clouds rhythmically. Suddenly, inky black clouds started to triumphant the sky. Dist ant jabs of orange sparks strike the sky continuously, changing the colour of the sky fro blue, grey black and slight orange. It was just like fireworks bursting in the clouds. Then, a blanket of heavy rain pelted relentlessly on the plane like machine guns.

“We have to take a detour through a mountain pass. We apologise for the inconvenience we has caused,” Captain Joe said. The mountains were closely packed, making it complicated to pass through. The novice pilots were well trained in what books they had taught them to but had no experience passing through such mountains. Abruptly, a mountain appeared too close. Despite the best they had tried to swerve it, it took out a wing. Horrible screeching of twisted metals reached my ears. Sparks were flying from its torn wing, the plane hurtled towards the ground at high velocity. Some passengers were flung off from their seats. “I think the plane is going to explode” I muttered under my breath. Adrenaline was pumped through my entire system. Beads of perspiration started trickling down from my forehead.

There was no doubt that the plane was going to explode. The massive explosion rocked the air plane. The whole iron monsters had broken into halves, both being devoured by fiery flames. Red demons licked the plane, surrounding the people in it, as though celebrating the victory of a successful capture of their preys. Mushroom shaped clouds of pewter grey smoke curled up into the air, vanishing into wisps of smoke. The acrid smoke was choking everyone upon every breath they inhaled. The inferno advanced inch by inch, devouring everything into its path. I was trying to crouch low, trying to get oxygen into my deprived lungs. I concentrated on one thing –escaping out from the plane. I could feel the intense heat while escaping from the plane.

“Where is the exit?” I inquired, squinting in the smoke. The exit was near yet seemed far. My les felt like lead but I forced them to carry me forward. “Few more steps,” I encouraged myself to carry on. “Finally!” I exclaimed. I reached the exit.

“We have to think of a solution,” I whispered to the other survivors. I rummaged through my pockets only to find a box of matchsticks. I remembered that I had stolen this box of matchsticks from my mother’s cupboard. Suddenly, an idea struck my mind. “Smoke signals!” I exclaimed. I went to gather some twigs and struck a matchstick against the box. I lit the twigs and smoke rise up.

Hours past but there was still not a single sign of being rescued. “A helicopter! We are being rescued!” I exclaimed. My expression altered from loneliness to happiness as my eyes flickered with a gleam of hope. We were finally rescued.

We were taken back to the airport. “Are you all right? Are you hurt?” my mother asked. Concerns and worries were all written on her face. “I am fine and not hurt at all,” I said with a grin. “What about the scratch on your leg,” my brother inquired. “That is just a small injury. Need not worry about that,” I said assuring.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
C.C.huanying:D said...

This edited compo is good. But though im not a good writer like you, i feel like telling and asking u something.
“We have to take a detour through a mountain pass. We apologise for the inconvenience we has caused,” Captain Joe said.
I think that it is suppose to be had not has.
My les felt like lead but I forced them to carry me forward.
I think is legs^.
Hours past but there was still not a single sign of being rescued. “A helicopter! We are being rescued!” I exclaimed.
From what i read, u said that there was no sign of any rescue. Then suddenly have. So I think theres a small gap :D
Please dont be offended :D

tsooc said...

Dear Christ,
Don't worry, we know that you just want to help Aurora improve. Besides, you were entirely right. :-)

Dear Aurora,
The beginning of your story was very good. Keep it up. You can also tell me about the following:
- there seems to be a gap between I reached the exit and we need to think of a solution. At least got to tell us that you have gotten out of the plane safely.
- Furthermore, what should you do after you got out of the plane safely? eg save the others.
- Then what happened to the plane after crashing? eg exploding.
- Then slow down and tell me how the other survivors feel while waiting for rescue.
- Then how did everyone feel after being rescued?